BUT I LOVE HER SO…

I think matchmaking contributed a great deal to the longevity and stability of marriages back in the day. In my opinion, most couples are already too compromised by the intensity of their feelings for one another to make wise decisions. They are unable to identify the little red flags or deal with the obviously weak places detrimental to their relationship.
I describematchmaking as private placement and I subscribe to it. Most young people assume that it infringes on their right to choose their own spouses but on the contrary I think it just simplifies the process. For amature, objective and stable person( well informed about both parties and committed to their respective well-being) torecommend or bring them together, I assume he/she would have done their best to eliminate most of the junk that can contaminate therelationship in the future. Though it is an incredible responsibility to take on, I believe that it makes life easier for all the parties involved.
I confirmed this whensometime last yearmy young friend Tojuintroduced hisfiancée Felicia to me. He wanted me to meet his ‘angel’ before they tied the knots. Immediately I saw her, I knew he could have done better and I blamed myself for not being more pro-active when he told me that he wanted to settle down. For some reason, I didn’t take him seriously. Now, I could think of at least 3 other girls that would have worked better for him than Felicia. But how do you tell a young man that the lady he has fallen in love with is the wrong one?
During our night out,I tried very hard to draw Felicia out of herself but she wouldn’t even make eye contact with me. She looked everywhere else but at me. At first I was willing to put it down to respect and shyness but then it becamevery obvious that she was deliberately avoiding my eyes. She was so stiff it was bordering on ridiculous. I keptwonderingwhy Felicia was finding it difficult to relax. Why was she on edge? What was she struggling with?Though she said all the right things I still wasn’t convinced she was the right one because I alwayslisten more for the things that are not said. I pay more attention to the body language, it tells me a lot more.
It was difficult for me but I still managed to express my reservations about Felicia to Toju but the decisionremained his to take. I didn’t make a fuss whenthey decided to get married. I actually supported them as best as I could. But I wasn’t surprised when Toju came to my office exactly 8months later with a wound on his wrist that looked like teeth marks.
He was sounded exasperated. “Felicia has a thunderous temper Ma,” he said. “Anything can ignite it. I noticed it at the beginning when we met but I made all sorts of excuses for her. If I speak to any other woman, she accuses me of flirting with her. She even started to vet my calls to ensure that I was not cheating on her. The night we went out for dinner with you, she almost exploded on our way home. She accused me of bringing her to my older friends for inspection as if she was a piece of furniture. She threatened me that the next time I ever did that to her, she would end the relationship. I apologised to her explaining that I was just excited about her and I wanted to show her off to the people that mattered to me. She calmed down that day but I never had the courage to take her to meet anyone else. My mother told me that she heard Felicia’s older sister fought her husband and his girlfriend at a party. She warned me that a lot of people in her familywere prone to aggression but I ignored her. I accused her of stereotyping and generalization. Perhaps I should have listened. Last weekend, I wanted to meet up with some friends of mine. She wanted to know why I should be going out withouther in the night. I explained to her that the other guys weren’t bringing their wives. I didn’t seem to make sense to her and she tried to take the car keys from me. Of course I didn’t let her. We struggled for a while and then she bit me on my wrists,” he said pointing at the tell- tale teeth mark I had seen previously. “I honestly don’t know what this is all about and I doubt if I can handle these outbursts,”he concluded.
I feel very bad for Toju because I know he is in for a very rough ride inhis marriage. I have suggested an anger management therapist for Felicia but it still troubles me to know that all this could have been avoided before Toju fell in love…
I remember Toju and Felicia today as my friend Femi tells me how he met the boy who he hopes will marry his niece. I appreciate his reasons and I think he has made a very good choice. Prayerfully, the two people involvedwill agreeand give it a chance.