ARE YOU DRINKING POISON?

         

When I heard the above statement, the metaphor struck a chord in my heart, I could not agree better. It reminded me of the African proverb ‘…if you do not forget yesterday’s wrongs, you’ll have no friends to play with today…’ They both describe my view of unforgiveness.

I consider unforgiveness to be one of the stressors most often ignored, and its consequences also undermined. Unforgiveness is a stress response that is the direct consequence of harbouring offences and holding grudges. It is an extremely toxic emotion that does not function on its own. It often recruits a wide range of other negative emotions including anger, bitterness, hatred, vengeance, resentment and even self-loathe. Unfortunately, each of these negative emotions can activate the stress hormone cortisol which causes many health conditions. Indeed, elevated cortisol level has been proven to be a predictor for heart disease and may even cause some types of cancer. Unforgiveness   sends stress signals to the body keeping it in a hypervigilant state of ‘fight or flee.’ Is it a wonder that when people see someone that has offended them their hearts literally begin to pound?Forgiveness is both a choice and a decision. To forgive is an intentional act of choosing to embrace peace of mind rather than the pain that another person/s or event has inflicted or is inflicting on you. It is deciding to let go and relieve oneself of the unpleasant and sore feelings that have been stored up. It is very much like taking a deep breath and exhaling very hard and long, letting go of all negative energyThe first step to effective forgiveness is the understanding that it helps you take back control and power from your Offender. When you forgive and let go, you no longer depend on your Offender to determine the length, depth and extent of your joy. Forgiveness is usually not deserved but for the sake of a restful mind and the avoidance of negative energy and emotions, it is the best choice. The following steps help you forgive:

1. Understanding that forgiveness does not mean condoning or endorsing the offensive act.
2. Realising that unforgiveness is a stressor that arises from YOUR interpretation of the situation not from the Offender.
3.  Making a conscious effort to let go of the pain you feel by realising that it is inYOUR best interest to let go.
4. Learning to ‘speak’ forgiveness whenever you hear, speak or think about the
5. Offender.Meditating on other positive, wholesome and pleasant life experiences 

6.Remembering that you are bound to be an Offender one day.

Unforgiveness gives immense power to another to control your emotions, your behaviour and your well-being, so whether the Offender apologises or doesn’t, forgive and take charge of your well- being. Take back that power, close that bitter chapter of your life and experience relief, peace and a life in line with the divine will of God… otherwise you would truly be drinking poison and hoping another person dies.

Best Regards,
Chiadi Ndu
& all us @ BTH WELLNESS AND THERAPY