BE KIND TO YOU

Over the years, I made a decision to learn the skill of the proverbial lizard who decides to praise himself even when no one else thinks he deserves praise. In a world where an individual’s relevance can be reduced to how many ‘likes’ and ‘comments’ their post attracts on social media, the drive to succeed if not properly managed can have long-lasting and negative effects. In this dog – eat- dog climate, every manner of ‘failure’ is frowned at.

Even though objective self- evaluation is a crucial skill that one must strive to acquire in order to enhance self development, the need for self- compassion cannot be over-emphasized.
 
In this context, self-compassion is an extension of kindness, understanding and warmth to oneself in the face of one’s mistakes, poor judgments, shortcomings and failures.

Unwittingly, many of us have become our own greatest fault-finders. This is can be so stifling and has numerous negative effects on our lives from chronic elevated adrenaline level to eventual burn-out  due to mental exhaustion .  
Below are some simple steps to help you acquire and maintain your balance:

• Know yourself– Self-awareness is crucial because you cannot genuinely like what you do not know. Being able to identify your strengths and your weaknesses will help you know when /how to drive yourself and when/ how to seek help.
• Be kind to yourself– Treat yourself the way you would treat your friend. Don’t beat yourself up every time things do not go exactly as planned.
• Learn to acknowledge your efforts- Praise and reward yourself. Be grateful for the seemingly small strides you take and give yourself treats for them.

• Mind the people around you– Avoid negative people who only focus on your weaknesses and your shortcomings. They usually remind you of only your flaws and your mistakes.
• Pay attention to your inner voice– Question the validity of those negative thoughts and guard your mind diligently. Tone down the criticisms and fill it with positive thoughts.
• Learn to forgive yourself- You are not going to get everything right all the time so forgive yourself when you do not get it right.

If you are currently confused, frustrated or downcast, remind yourself of how much worse things can be. Don’t revel in your mistakes, just look at where you are coming from. 
Applaud yourself, congratulate yourself and be happy for the things that are right.

Self-compassion is the much needed break you may need in your life now. You do not have to endure your own verbal abuse any longer.  Remember- you can only love others as much as you love yourself!!