Until I started my extensive research on stress and its management, I did not realise the full implication of the phrase “Peace at all costs is no peace…” I assumed that a passive, peaceful, people-pleaser would not have any ‘wahala’* because they always let others win. I did not imagine that there could be a better precursor for a stress- free life than avoiding conflict with everything and everyone in your space… at all costs.
It was an ‘aha’ moment for me to discover that being easy and passive is not an antidote for stress. I found out that it is the direct opposite; a stressor. Easy, passive people hardly have an idea of their limits and limitations. They do not know when they are almost at their tether’s end, they just keep pushing themselves as long as everyone else is pleased. Easy, passive people would rather internalize their thoughts than express them not realizing that this places a huge emotional burden on both their mind and their body.
These bottled-up emotions continue to stew and simmer until they eventually explode as over- the- top reactions (oftentimes inappropriate) or total emotional/ mental breakdown. Inability to express one’s needs, concerns and frustration is a breeding ground for resentment, anxiety, hostility- all toxic emotions and potent stressors. On the other hand, being firm and assertive reduces stress because one always takes their limits and limitations into consideration. Assertive people have very clear boundaries about what they can and cannot put up with in their dealings with people.
Assertiveness can be described as the ability to express one’s feelings and asserts one’s right while respecting the feelings and rights of others. Being assertive is very different from being aggressive.
|
|
|
|