HOW TO BREAK A TRAUMA BOND

Breaking a trauma bond can be difficult but it is achievable with effort and support. Below are some helpful tips:

1. Be realistic: Pay attention to your partner’s actions rather than their promises. If they are not making any effort to change, it may be time to accept the truth of the situation.
2. Journaling: Keeping a journal can help organize thoughts and emotions by focusing one’s attention on the current condition and its effect on one’s mental health and well-being. Nostalgic memories of the past and hopeful fantasies of the future must be relinquished and substituted with the ‘here and now’.
3. Self-Care: Abusive relationships can create a sense of comfort despite the harm. Developing self-care routines such as exercise, healthy eating, deep diaphragmatic breathing and mindfulness practices can help reduce dependency on the abuser and provide emotional resilience.
4. Positive Affirmation: Abuse often damages self-esteem. Practising positive affirmations and recognizing negative self-criticism can improve your self-image and build the confidence to leave the relationship.

Above all, educating yourself on the signs of abuse can help you recognize unhealthy patterns in future relationships and prevent them from escalating.

• Personality Masks and Masking

Personality masks are behaviours that people adopt to conceal their true selves from others. They serve as a protective mechanism helping one to shield their self-esteem and manage vulnerabilities. Unfortunately, these masks can lead to stress, anxiety, depression or emotional exhaustion.

Even though these masks may protect one from abuse, rejection and trauma, they can also hinder authenticity, genuineness and emotional well-being.

Masking

Masking involves consciously or unconsciously changing one’s behaviour, expressions, or reactions to fit other’s expectations or to avoid vulnerability. Many methods can used for masking purposes. These include falsifying accents, language tone or intonation, changing facial expressions, adjusting body language and even altering behaviour to suit the environmental expectations.

While masking may provide temporary relief from emotional discomfort, it can lead to long-term challenges, including difficulty in self-awareness and self-expression.

Common Types of Personality Masks

1. The Victim Mask

This mask is characterized by externalizing blame to avoid self-criticism. The locus of control for these individuals is often external as they attribute personal failures to external factors or other people, safeguarding their self-esteem at the expense of accountability and growth.

2. The Aggressor Mask

Often rooted in past trauma or self-doubt, this mask manifests as bullying or domineering behaviour. Aggressors may use physical intimidation, ridicule, or coercion to maintain control and deflect attention from their insecurities.

3. The Humour Mask

Humour can serve as a powerful shield for those wishing to hide sadness or vulnerability. By joking about themselves or their struggles, individuals using this mask can deflect emotional attention, making it harder for others to perceive their true feelings.

4. The Composed Mask

Individuals who wear a composed mask often maintain a calm, controlled exterior in all situations. While this may appear as emotional resilience, it frequently involves suppressing feelings, leading to emotional buildup and eventual dysregulation.

5. The Perfectionist Mask

This mask is worn by those who tie their self-worth to achievements or flawless performance. While striving for perfection may earn praise, it often creates overwhelming pressure, heightened anxiety, and an inability to cope with mistakes or perceived failures.

6. The Self-Deprecating Mask

Self-deprecation, even when presented as humour, often reflects a defence mechanism. By putting themselves down first, individuals aim to pre-empt external criticism. This pattern, however, perpetuates negative self-perception and reinforces low self-esteem.

7. The Avoidant Mask

The avoidant mask is characterized by withdrawing from social interactions due to the fear of rejection or judgment. Individuals who wear this mask may avoid speaking with others or isolate themselves to protect against perceived vulnerability. Over time, this behaviour can lead to social isolation, further deepening feelings of loneliness.

8. The Controlling Mask

Wearing the controlling mask involves an attempt to manage one’s environment to feel secure. A person using this mask may obsessively plan every detail of their life—be it social events, work, or home life—to feel a sense of control. This need for order and predictability extends to physical spaces, with a preference for maintaining cleanliness and organization.

9. The People-Pleasing Mask

People who wear the people-pleasing mask often derive their sense of self-worth from the approval and acceptance of others. They may go out of their way to make others happy, often at the expense of their own needs or desires. This pattern can create ongoing anxiety about pleasing others, leaving the individual feeling depleted, exhausted and unsure of their true self.

10. The Socializer Mask

The socializer mask is adopted by individuals who use charm and social interactions to cover feelings of insecurity. While they may have many acquaintances and can easily engage in small talk, these interactions often remain superficial. The socializer avoids deep or vulnerable conversations to protect themselves from being truly seen.

11. The Conformist Mask

The conformist mask is worn by those who prioritize fitting in with others over expressing their authentic self. Individuals with this mask closely follow the behaviours, attitudes, and preferences of those around them in an attempt to belong. This drive for acceptance often leads them to suppress their true values and desires.

authenticity.

Masks act as a defence mechanism, shielding the individual from judgment or emotional harm. By concealing their true self, they protect themselves from being criticized or rejected. However, maintaining this façade can be draining, leading to emotional fatigue, loneliness, and a constant fear of being exposed or ‘uncovered’.

Authenticating yourself

The first step to shedding your personality mask is recognizing the reasons behind it. Becoming aware of what triggers the mask’s use enables you to gradually move toward being more authentic.

While this process may bring you closer to others, it is essential to be prepared for the possibility of rejection. Not everyone will accept you for your true self. Over time, you will form deeper connections with those who appreciate and love you for who you genuinely are because you do not need everyone.

Therapy and safe open conversations can provide the tools to confront the fear behind your mask. It can help you go behind your heart to manage your anxiety and develop healthier coping strategies.